The US gets schooled-again

Spain-a country that allowed TORTURE until 1975-just legalized gay marriage. A country that has been a free of a brutal dictatorship for less than the lifespan of Leonardo DiCaprio, the home of the SPANISH INQUISITION, supports the gays. And our states have institutionalized discrimination and are trying to make it harder for our friends, neighbors, and family members to raise children, support each other, and just generally live the lives they deserve as humans and as Americans. Zapatero, you have once more proved how right the Spaniards were to elect you over Aznar. GW, as always, drop dead and burn in hell.

I'm the zombie now-in other news, BOYS!

No, MONKEY, I did not get bitten by one of those devil dogs, I just had a long day at work, and it was painfully hot and humid all day, so my brain is no longer solid, and I can't quite form sentences. I can look at pictures though, so it's time for another edition of Meredith's Super Special Boy Bloggery. Today's subject-Ewan McGregor.

I like this picture because I have an unnatural love for Iggy Pop, and for all its flaws, McGregor's version of Pop in Velvet Goldmine did ooze sex and animal magnetism. It also provided yet another opportunity to see Ewan give the finger to mainstream Hollywood by, um, wagging something else at them-see also The Pillow Book, Trainspotting, and Young Adam for more evidence of this rebellious streak. Sure, he's gone mainstream now, but he's got kids to feed. Besides, how can you hate someone who's best buds with Jude Law?

I've been nursing this unnatural obsession ever since I saw the preview(yes, the preview) for Shallow Grave on the Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert tape I rented far too many times from my friendly neighborhood Movie Gallery, so this has been going on for a solid 10 years now. Won't you join me in my adoration of this eyeliner-loving, nudity-championing marquee idol?

News of the World

The President is giving a speech about Iraq shortly, but instead of listening to his tired and delusional reasoning for endangering the lives of men and women who could and should be looking after a few of the other messes we've created in the last four years(Afghanistan, anyone?), I'm going to have a drink. In case you don't feel like watching either, Daily Kos has a link to some excerpts released earlier today. It's the same old same old, so let's look at a couple of things we should be paying more attention to:

1. Robert Novak roams free while Judy Miller and Matt Cooper are gearing up for prison life. I don't care how many times it's been said before, this is a gross miscarriage of justice. Robert Novak committed Treason when he named Valerie Plame as a CIA agent-it's not exaclty rocket science-and he's being protected by some demonic force, and the government just struck a huge blow to journalistic freedom. Judith Miller is a bad journalist-that's not rocket science either-but she didn't even write an article using the information she received from her source. The New York Times was right in their editorial. However, they were wrong about

2. This Supreme Court Decision. Yes, internet piracy is bad. Theft is wrong. But. I think the Times is wrong support the Court's hairsplitting on what new technologies can and can't do. I'm not an expert on this(start reading Larry Lessig's blog for that-right now), but the public domain is shrinking, and if you've ever read the license agreements you have to agree to before using software(again, if you don't, start now-scary), you know that corporations already exercise enormous power over what normal people can and can't do with content. The internet is still developing, even if the "tech bubble" has long since burst, and the conglomerate interests have done a pretty good job making sure they control what we see and how we use things we purchase(Lessig's book Free Culture covers e-books and other such things and how awful it is that we don't have control over content we own). Could it be the New York Times is still sore over losing this lawsuit?

3. John Tierney is still a dipshit. What kind of permits do you need for scalping?

4. Finally, Poland wants us to remember them, but in a slightly different way than GW wants us to. They want to bring harmony to the EU. Who would ever be afraid of a Polish plumber who looks like that? He looks more likely to listen to the Pet Shop Boys' version of "Go West" than actually go West. I don't think it's fair to make fun of the whole country for not being influential enough to pull of a compromise. Just because Italian monastaries are prettier than Soviet-style panelacki...

Worst. Scientists. Ever.

Thanks, MONKEY. Thanks a lot. It's bad enough that we're all going to die of Avian Influenza, but thanks to the news you posted in my darling robot's absence, now I can look forward to a flu pandemic AND demonic canines. My only hope is that I'll be so delirious with fever that I jump off a roof in an attempt to fly away from the packs of zombie hellhounds that will invariably overrun our society. Mother Nature is crying for us. If only Captain Planet could rescue us from this hubris!

Something Fun

It's hot and I'm struggling to find some way to amuse myself. While I ponder that, this site defies words. Hilarious. I guarantee you'll be squeaking afterwards.

Go here now.

Some Subtle Social Commentary

About as subtle as having your arm gnawed off by the undead. Even the computers are zombies now. Why does it have to be good? It's easy to dismiss a movie when it's mindless, but how am I supposed to stay away from a film when it has a brain in its lumbering zombie body? That makes me want to see it so I can feel superior to those who don't realize the level of sophistication involved in sculpting a political allegory out of rotting flesh. If only I didn't hate the rotting flesh part so much.

How does one stop hating horror films with a burning passion? Is there a cure for that fear?

In other news, more people are dying in Iraq, and George Bush just won't listen to reason. More on that later. For now I have to go enjoy my long afternoon...

Make Like Dolly Parton

Yeah, I'm at a 9 to 5. Not that that's bad. I need structure and discipline, much like Ted when his father threatened to send him to boarding school before he went on the Excellent Adventure. I just didn't realize exactly how well I'd segmented my days into chunks of non-work until I sat down to do eight hours of actual work at one time. Horrifying. Suddenly I'm wondering how much money I could make by selling organs. I'd get to hang out at home a lot...

Seriously though, it would figure that the news got crazy just as I stopped having time to post regularly. Between David Brooks, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and The Supreme Court's decision today, shit's just a little more crazy. No time for commentary-I've got emails to send. Then, softball. I'm not playing(are you crazy?), but I have to cheer on The Nation against Air America. It's not just that I'm competitive; this is a personal. Maybe someone will hit Al Franken with a baseball bat. Probably won't happen-I bet he has a designated bat-target for him. Dude's rich enough to pay someone for that.

To the Monkey

I realize the picture I posted was huge and gross, but I like to consider it a public service to those in the world still considering unprotected sex. I'm just looking out for the poor children stuck in abstinence only education programs. Safe sex, kids. If you can't trust Joey Potter...

The End

Today is my last day at The Nation. The new interns are here, working away, I am soon to pass on my work to someone else and ride into the sunset, or Soho, to be exact, for my next gig. I still have lots of work to do, lots of writing and such(what with my silly dream of being a writer needing actual output to be legitimate), but for the next two hours I'm just going to sit at the computer that has been mine for the past six months, remember what it felt like during my first weeks here, and think about how many things have changed since I stepped off the plane at JFK on January 8th. I may also read some celebrity gossip. Posts may be slightly more infrequent for a bit, but I will not abandon my duty as a chronicler of the absurd, the pretty, and the absurdly pretty.

On the Tom Cruise-Katie Holmes "Love" Contract

I know it's old news, but it's still a point of discussion. For example:

"You'd think he wouldn've chosen someone without Herpes."
I agree, Liliana, but without a disclosure clause in the contract he probably signed it BEFORE this unsightly outbreak...

A Call To Arms

Ok girls, I need some help. I'm going to try and interview Simon Reeve, but I'm blanking on questions to ask. I want it to be good(I've learned there might be a few people out there who have an interest in the man), so if you have any suggestions, especially if you've seen his BBC programs(I haven't yet), send them my way.

Miyazaki does Bowie

Will he grow up to be this?

A girl can hope...

After seeing Howl's Moving Castle last night, my friend looked at me and said, "when Howl had blond hair he reminded me of David Bowie in Labyrinth." As she said it, the disturbing attraction I'd felt for this cartoon character suddenly made sense. Flowing white shirt-check. New age jewelry-check. Androgynous yet beautiful face and hair-check and check. All these things might have added up to little more than coincidence if it hadn't been for the final, perfect element-long, slim legs in TIGHT black pants. Granted, androgyny is not exactly uncommon in Japanese animation, but everyone knows that the defining characteristic of Labyrinth wasn't the muppets or the story, but "the pants." Who doesn't have that (at the time) mysterious bulge in those spandex pants seared into their memory? Certainly no girl I know. I credit those pants with my sexual awakening(Jareth was so powerful and menacing, and so SEXY!) When he tells Jennifer Connelly(herself responsible for a few disturbing realizations among small males) "I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave," I couldn't (and still can't) understand why on earth she'd say no. Who wouldn't fear something that huge?! Some think that these pants are a detriment to the film, but I couldn't disagree more. I also take issue with nearly all of what this person has to say about other beloved fantasy films of the 80's. Except Legend. There are no words powerful enough to describe the awfulness of that Tangerine Dream scored piece of shit. Tim Curry's horns, on the other hand...(just kidding)

Back to Howl. He's hardly the pathology -force of nature Bowie was(I may never recover), but there's still something neo-glam rock manic-depressive bad boy hot about him(although that might just be Christian Bale's voice). Sure you want to slap him, but you know he'll do magic just for you, much like your imaginary rock star boyfriend will write his biggest hit out of love for you. Somehow, and maybe it's because the movie as a whole was something of a disappointment after the superb Spirited Away(you know there's trouble when the romance between a small child and an ageless river spirit is more convincing than that between two adults), I find myself wishing today that Miyazaki had made the movie, and his characters, more Ziggy Stardust than that prissy vamp in The Hunger. The happy ending would have been much more believable, and the script less groan-inducing among adults. A little more rock star in the moving castle(and a whole lot less Billy Crystal-what dipshit thought that was a good casting decision?) would have gone a long way to making a movie I desperately want to love but can't one that inspires creepy fantasies in children and grown women for decades to come.

Hell on Film

She may be black and white, but she'll still chew your arm off.

It should come as no surprise to those near and dear that I hate zombies. I have even posted about this hatred before, I believe under the title "I fucking hate zombies." They're just so undead, vile, and prone to gnashing their teeth in the vicinity of one's brains. It was disturbing enough to learn that some sick people have zombie sex fetishes, and the recurring zombie nightmares have never been a treat, so I was a bit...perturbed to see that George Romero has a new zombie movie coming out this summer.

There I was, sitting quietly in the movie theater, waiting for Lords of Dogtown to start so I could leer at the hot-yet-distressingly-young Emile Hirsch and Victor Rasuk for 100 minutes, and what should break my pre-film reveries but a preview for Land of the Dead! Stuffed from beginning to end with the walking dead(and Dennis Hopper), this latest installment in the "Dead" series features my WORST nightmare-AN ENTIRE PLANET OF ZOMBIES, and intelligent ones at that.

Seeing this preview once was enough for me. I must give George Romero respect for creating the single most repulsive monster ever, but it's safe to say I won't be slapping $10.75 down at the multiplex for this one. I'm a consumer, I have the ability to choose, I've chosen, so that should be it, right? WRONG. It seems that Yahoo has some sort of advertising deal with Land of the Dead's distributor, because EVERY TIME I GO TO YAHOO MAIL THE PREVIEW IS PLAYING. Over and over and over again, I try to hit "Check Mail" and instead my eyes are pulled to the top of the screen where teeming masses of the undead lumber and maim. Why me? Why now? Why, George Romero, why do your creations stalk me so?

The worst part of this all is that the movie doesn't seem like it will be that good-pretty standard Aliens type plot. Actually, the plot synopsis reads almost exactly like a zombie Aliens. And another thing-why do these newfangled, intelligent zombies look like they just got out of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer makeup trailer? I suppose once zombies develop agency and the ability to reason, etc., they are just vampires of a different type. What's that evolutionary term that describes two different species developing the same traits completely independent of each other?

The Fear

As of next Wednesday, I'm no longer Nation affiliated! This is sad enough, but to add insult to injury, I can't find myself a job. What is the cause of my utter incompetence in this arena? I wish I knew. I do know one thing-I'm so desperate for work I applied for something that pays $10 an hour. $10! And it's not in menial labor. I know this takes the normally stoic Thighs of Darkness to the emo place, but I want my mommy. And a good cry.

What to do?

"Beating a political stake in your black heart will be the fulfillment of my life ... "

Who, oh who could this statement be directed to? Not our fearless leader President George W. Bush? What? She is talking to him? Oh my, that sounds threatening; there's no excuse for talking to Il Duce that way, is there?

Oh-I guess there is. A pretty good one too. Lots of things seem to be hard work for President Bush. Being President, for example. After reading a lot of Thomas Friedman, I think there might be some eager young Indians or Chinese willing to take over the job for him...

California Judicial System Sucks Again

Michael Jackson is innocent? Could've fooled me. We can convict Martha Stewart of financial crimes but we can't find a way to stop a CHILD MOLESTER?!? This isn't a big surprise, but it's still disappointing. One of my coworkers said that within the context of the prosecution's case, justice has been served, but let's see if he still feels that way when this happens all over again ten years from now.

Every time I think it's safe to have faith in humanity...

The G8 Summit as Imperialist Smackdown

While the US is bogged down in the failed empire-building quagmire that is Iraq, Britain is bitch-slapping the few countries it still has some control over in a much subtler, simpler style. The Group of Eight member nations take turns hosting these summits, which is why this bit of a New York Times article caught my eye:

The agreement on debt cancellation is likely to be the only big issue at the coming Group of 8 summit meeting in Scotland on which the United States is in full accord with the other major industrial nations. The Group of 8 includes, in addition to the United States and Britain, France, Germany, Italy, Canada, Japan and Russia.(emphasis mine)

How sneaky! Give them their own parliament, let Sean Connery leave messages for people on behalf of the Scottish National Party, export Billy Boyd's adorableness to us, but don't think for one second the English will let them forget that Scotland is the LA Staples Center.

No point really, I just found it funny.

Sex and science, again

When John Tierney said that men were naturally far more competetive than women, I was incensed, but the drive for victory described by New Scientist makes a lot more sense. Business success? Who needs it? Porn, on the other hand...

The best part about this article is penultimate paragraph-I guess all those men are scared of seeming "gay" for a reason.

By popular demand

Sometimes I post on issues of substance. The heat wave surges on, however, so today will not be one of those days. Someone asked me where my Simon Reeve post disappeared to. To answer your question, Carol, check the May Archives. Whilst searching for it, I remembered something-Simon Reeve is GORGEOUS! I've also discovered that he left his job as a reporter to write books at 23. 23. Simon has laid the gauntlet, and I am doomed to failure by his standards. I have 13 months before I've officially failed-he just won't love me if I have to start writing books when I'm 24.

Speaking of books, I read The New Jackals, his book about the first World Trade Center bombing and Osama bin Laden, and I was impressed. Neocon bookjacket blurbs aside, it predicted, pretty much exactly, what was to happen in 2001. This guy knows his terrorism.

Anyway, to the matter at hand-more pictures of Simon!



I've also been informed that he's married, which breaks my journalism-groupie heart. Clearly I am not alone in my love for Mr. Reeve(and his brother James), so keep sending me info and I'll keep talking about him!

Learn from the Mistress, girls

It's hot in New York-very, very hot. Nelly song hot, but out there as well as in here. Hot in that "exposed and glistening tan abs everywhere" way. The rising mercury has clearly melted the brains of Liliana and Lauren and has thrown them into the sort of man-frenzy I live in every day. They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I think that this is a clear sign that I have to get back to the kind of blogging I do best-fawning and slobbering over attractive men. To that end, I present to you Mr. Takeshi Kaneshiro. Who, you ask? Look at the pretty pictures for a minute and I'll tell you...



If you saw House of Flying Daggers, you've already spent a solid two hours waiting for him to take off his shirt and then had to endure the absurd, and fully clothed, denouement, but he's been gorgeous, tan, and sweaty looking in that "Hong Kong gets really sticky" sort of way in two Wong Kar Wai films, making references to pineapple and pining beautifully in both. Personally, he's a complete enigma, but we do know that he speaks five languages, has appeared in movies produced in several different countries, and, like a true Asian film star, also has a successful singing career. Time Asia even calls him "the Asian film industry's Johnny Depp." Maybe they should do a movie together...

Quadruple your fun-twice

26-year-old Aussie lass Darren Chalk has provided another link in the chain of human devolution(sadly, not DEVO-lution, because I'm still waiting for the day I call Mark Mothersbaugh overlord). With the help of IVF(one of the fertility treatments that leads to the scores of abandoned frozen embryos so endangered by stem cell research), Chalk is pregnant with her second litter! Apparently the fun of having four ten-month babies just wasn't enough. Why not add to the brood another four mewling whelps just as the first set reach 18 months? Someone forgot to tell her, and apparently, her doctor, that human litters don't mature at quite the same speed as dogs, cats, and sea turtles.

There is some nice symmetry to this pregnancy-if Darren and her husband divorce, they can each take a set of quadruplets instead of dealing with joint custody.

The article says that it took 18 rounds for this woman to "fall pregnant" the first time-think of all the wasted embryos!

It was a Tuesday...

The vagina: receptive, but...middling...

These are my friends. Brilliant...