Thursday, May 05, 2005

The future of romance

Many of my friends have complained that dating has gone the way of the dodo, having been replaced by the "hook-up, shack-up" form of relationships. The rules of courtship(what date do you sleep with them on again?) are confusing, conflicting, and downright annoying a lot of the time. What's a girl to do? Well, we could avoid all the hard choices by moving to Kyrgyzstan and making ourselves available for a "grab and run" wedding!

In an age where both women and men buy books to help them navigate modern love and spend absurd sums on lavish weddings, who hasn't longed for the simplicity of an old-fashioned "club and drag to the cave" elopement? Metrosexuals and Superwomen have turned gender roles upside down; can't we return to the days when "Men steal women to show that they are men?"

With all the hubub over the runaway bride in Georgia, it's clear that preparing for weddings is just too stressful. If that woman had been in Kyrgyzstan, she'd have used all that energy she spent running on fighting off her future husband's family and be happily married right now! This advice might have come in handy:
"Every good marriage begins in tears," a Kyrgyz saying goes.

Just think of all the trouble we could save ourselves, girls-no more waiting by the phone, no more sleepless nights spent wondering if we missed "The One"(he'll find you!), no more awful chick-lit and Oprah appearances by former Sex and the City writing douchebags.

Guys, this helps you too-what a way to prove to your girl that you're the ultimate in spontaneity and grand gestures! How masculine!

Come on kids, let's save our precious L-O-V-E from its own neurosis and bring it back to its savage roots! Welcome the Viking raiders!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing then that Fabio and Gene Simmons are making the second season of "Mr. Romance" an internationl competition-give some of these Kyrgyzs a chance to show the world all of their romantic talents. Guessing the Americans are going to have to practice pretty hard to even have a chance against them in the Pose Down competetion.