Wednesday, April 13, 2005

D. H. Lawrence owns you

New York City offers none of the peer-pressure driven activities I grew up with in Wisconsin-wholesome diversions like mailbox baseball and methamphetamine production-so it seems time to follow the example set by my friends and fellow google monkeys and start a blog. Some might say it's a bad thing to be the last lemming off the cliff, but I scoff at those haters. I will feast on lemming, and I will bet $20 that with the right preparation it tastes just like chicken.

Why such a random title? "Thighs of Darkness" happens to be one of my favorite phrases from a book filled with dirty and overwrought language, D. H. Lawrence's Women in Love. While virtually impossible to complete without tossing it across the room, patience is rewarded with countless pleasures, such as "impenetrable frost mystery," "luminous loins," and generous servings of homoeroticism in a chapter titled "Gladiatorial." I think our smut saturated culture needs a reminder that someone smarter than us did it better long before Fox greenlit a second season of "Joe Millionaire." (see also the Marquis de Sade, and if you can stomach it, Henry Miller)

There are, however, a few things in this world that even a lecher like Miller could not conceive of, and for those repulsive acts and proclivities, I turn to Dan Savage:
I'm a pretty normal guy except for one thing: I'm sexually attracted to zombies. When I was a kid, I loved to watch horror films that featured them. Then as I became a teen, I started to masturbate watching zombie flicks. I fantasize about having sex with zombies while trying not to get bitten, but eventually I end up getting devoured. I also fantasize about a woman gangbanged by a group of zombies who then rip her apart and eat her. Is this a form of necrophilia? Are there any other people out there with the same fetish? When I was about 6, my best friend and I discovered the dead body of a drug addict in an abandoned house. Do you think that has something to do with my fetish?
Concentrating On Rotting People Sexually Exciting

I fucking HATE zombies.

Cheers everyone

1 comment:

Dana said...

like everything in western civilization, the greeks did it better, and 2000 years before anyone else.

"She flipped and she flopped 'round his cock
As a kingfisher flaps on a rock.
She stooped---slurped him up---of my dear!-
like a Phrygian drinking his beer
through a straw, and then presented her rear."