Teamwork is Important

I have nothing to add.

Drunk driving bust: 1 truck, 2 drivers

Gannett Wisconsin Newspapers

Two Dorchester men were arrested earlier this month for driving the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Colby-Abbotsford area.

Harvey J. Miller, 43, who has no legs, was steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver's seat while Edwin H. Marzinske, 55, operated the brake and gas pedals, according to the police report.

They were headed northbound on Hiline Avenue in Abbotsford when police pulled them over at 2:40 a.m. on Aug. 18.

Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive but argued he wasn't operating the vehicle because he couldn't push the pedals. He was issued a citation for a third drunk-driving offense, while Marzinske was cited for a second drunk-driving offense. Both men also were cited for driving after revocation.

A third drunk man in the vehicle walked himself home after the incident.

Nightmares

I keep having dreams about moving to L.A. I don't know why. I hate everything about the Los Angeles area with a bright and burning passion. There is nothing I can imagine enjoying about living there, not even the climate. Are L.A. dreams my new zombie nightmares? If so, I have clearly graduated to a new and far more frightening "most feared" scenario.

I want my "anywhere but here" dreams to be about places I might actually want to go, like Mongolia or Nepal or East Africa.

It's a little freaky that I'm dreaming of escape scenarios after only two months.

A Master at Work

Tonight I got to spend some time with a lovely young woman who has become a very good friend of mine since I moved back to New York. We sat and drank rose at a recently opened wine bar in our neighborhood and had a lovely time. The night would have been a perfect girl's night out if it hadn't been for the intrusion of a couple of obviously Jersey men who insisted upon chatting with us.

The whole night would have been ruined by their awkward attempts at conversation if it hadn't been for my friend's brilliant improvisation. In response to one of the trio's attempts at negging us for being from WI and IL, she asked, "What other stereotypes would you like to run by us?" To another's inquiry about whether or not we'd ever really behaved like psychos, she said, "I poured hot tea on someone after he made it for me." They tittered in an off kilter sort of way, and we left shortly after, confident we'd departed with the upper hand.

Blessed with context for her statements, I spent the intensely uncomfortable(for them) moments laughing heartily on the inside. After all, what's the point of having beautiful, intelligent, witty friends if they can't shut down chubby loser dudes and still be (classy and) hilarious while doing it?

I have a new heroine.

Do Unto Others...

I bet this little monster would shape up if someone walked up to him and told him "I really really don't like horrid little boys" and threatened to stomp on his head.

It's kids like these that make me believe occasional beatings for small children can't be all bad.

Bus Stop

For years I have thought that The Ice Storm featured the most horrible tragic electrocution scene I could ever imagine. I was so, so wrong.

After reading this story I might never take the bus again, even when it isn't raining. What is it with my Midwestern stomping grounds playing host to tragedies that mirror my worst nightmares?

Sick Sick Sick

You know things are bad for American health care when even the White House Press Secretary has to get a better job to pay his medical bills. Granted, "financial reasons" could mean any number of things, but the normal code words for "I want to make more money" are "I want to spend more time with my family." That Mr. Snow would come out and say that he is leaving because he needs to make some cash suggests that he may well be much sicker than he is letting on, and that even free government health insurance might suck just about as badly as that of most regular, paying citizens.

A family friend currently undergoing clinical trials to treat their cancer said that treatments would cost $17,500 dollars a month if they had not been admitted to the trial. At $210,000 a year, that would drain the bank account of even a well rewarded GOP hitman.

Normally I don't like to feel things for Republicans, but I almost feel bad for the guy. Almost. There's only so much sympathy I can have for a man who lies professionally for people who believe his life is worth more than that of poorer people.

Potato Sack

I feel awful for admitting this, but I've always despaired at the fact that I am not effortlessly, annoyingly pretty. As it is, I am lazy, so I'm not anything other than regular person thin, I need makeup to make my features look at all striking(and I never really learned how to put it on) and unless I'm going through a skim-lattes-and-despair-diet phase, I always have more than one chin in photographs. I think my self esteem is begging for one day of being the hot girl, but that's hardly realistic in New York City. Blurg. Perhaps I will work on being funny.

It'll all be Company Scrip someday, I tell you

This article on Salon reminded me how much I really loved the movie Matewan, and how awful it is to be stuck working in what remains of the American industrial complex. When I think about how wildly companies abuse their workers here on US soil, I shudder to think what it must be like to work in, say, a gold mine in Brazil or a diamond mine in Africa(check out Sebastio Salgado's book of photos Workers to get just a small glimpse of it). We many no longer live in a country filled with company towns, but we're no longer short on union busters. We're basically being ruled by a cabal of them.

I thought they loved unsexy things

With all the money the administration poured into its failed abstinence education crusade, it's no wonder everything is falling apart. Even our nation's physical structures are buckling under the weight of sexual repression.

“Governments do not want to pay for maintenance because it is not sexy,” said John Ochsendorf, a structural engineer and an associate professor at Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

This is not something to joke about, obviously. It's not funny that US roads, bridges, levees, tunnels, trains, etc. are in disrepair. It's not cheap, keeping a country running. There isn't enough tax money to go around as it is, and we're spending billions on contractors that don't build roads here or in Iraq. If the country's infrastructure is consistently considered to be at a "C" or "D" level of quality, we need some serious changes. There are talented people working for the government. When will the people footing the bill(we know who we are and who we should be) figure out it's actually worth spending money on these things? Maybe the fact that some of the victims in Minneapolis are bound to be white suburban soccer moms will convince Norm Coleman and his ilk to pay attention to the general state of disrepair so many people live in.

The Boys of Summer

So a battle is raging right now, and it is a heated one. In so many ways they are bitter opposites, and could be bitter enemies, but they share a common beginning. I'm speaking of course, of the battle between Shia LeBeouf and Zac Efron for the title of Dreamy Boy of the Summer Movies. Let's review their credentials:

Shia LeBouf:

Starred in the Disney Channel's Even Stevens
He was the original Norseman mascot in the Freaks and Geeks episode "We've Got Spirit"
Starred in totally awesome and genuinely creepy movie Disturbia
Stars in Transformers
Plays a greaser in the new Indiana Jones movie
Was on the cover of Vanity Fair wearing a stupid outfit
Currently sports unfortunate facial hair and slicked back 'do that may or may not camoflage a midstage jewfro
Is of legal drinking age

Zac Efron:

Starred in the Disney Channel original movie High School Musical but didn't sing
Stars in Hairspray as the chubby chasing dreamboat Elvis-like character
May soon sport a very unfortunate hat on the cover of a major magazine
His image adorns a wide variety of HSM merchandise, including magenta pillow cases.
Lost the role of Speed Racer to 2005's official Boy of Summer Emile Hirsch
Currently sports an unfortunately Clay Aiken-esque shag
Is a serious spray-tan/pancake makeup abuser
Is still a teenager

It's really a tough call.

UPDATE: I just saw Hairspray, and despite Travolta's close to ruinous performance, Efron wins in a landslide. EFRON EFRON EFRON!!!

PS: Michelle Pfeiffer looks SUPER OLD in this movie. Protect yourself. She is not a MILF. Not in the least.

PPS: He still looks 12. I'm not arguing. I just love him. There's nothing wrong with that. I just want him to wink at me. And swoon at my straight straight hair...

Shut up.

Memories

My mom called me yesterday just to thank me for bringing The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert home from the video store one day 13 years ago. She needed something to amuse her while she cleaned out boxes and put things away, and for some reason, drag queens in the Outback was just what the doctor ordered. We had a lovely conversation about exactly what sort of household leads to a 12 year old feeling comfortable enough to bring home a movie like that, and we decided that no matter the answer, it was a good thing. Who DOESN'T love a good drag queen movie?

When my best friend came out to me after we watched Priscilla, I remember how silly I felt about all the time I had spent worrying about whether he thought I was pretty, and I remember noticing just how much dark wood paneling there really was in his basement bedroom, and how inconvenient a waterbed would be for gay sex, or any sex, for that matter.

How did anyone every have sex on a waterbed? I really want to know. It seems like the worst idea ever.

Happy Birthday Harry Potter

The whole world has already seen the dirty dirty Details pictures and there really isn't any other photo that adequately objectifies him, so I will just say welcome to the world of the legal, Daniel, and thank you for finally reaching an age where I don't have to feel like a child molester.

Oh wait, I found one.

Quote of the Century

Morissey on Madonna(spoken at a PETA benefit in Norfolk, VA):

I wouldn’t be surprised if she made that African boy she adopted into and a coat and wore him for 15 minutes, then threw it away.

I may just take a vow of silence for the rest of my life.

[My artistic integrity] said, "I know what it's like to be dead," because someone just murdered me

Just when I was starting to think it might actually be uncool to love the Beatles with every fiber of my still 6-years-old-staring-at-the-illustrations-on-the-cover-of-Revolver-while-She-Said-She-Said-blew-my-mind being, Nate Rabin comes back and reminds me how awful it really is when people try and mess with the perfection that was Lennon and McCartney.

I love the "My Year of Flops" feature, but this is hands down the best pop culture writing I've read all week, which is saying something, considering what I've been up to.

For those keeping score, the Robert Fripp comparison I saw the other day makes for TWO King Crimson references in the last year; this may be more than I've seen since that time I analyzed the lyrics to "Cat Food" in one of my high school English classes.

Oh, and it's been 20 years since Appetite for Destruction came out. 20. Pretty soon we'll be seeing "20 years since Nirvana" stuff. At that point, I think it's safe to say, it will be Carousel for me.

Comparison Shopping

It's amazing that there could be such different environments mere feet from each other. It's great to get back to using the telephone to do my job instead of relying on the tubes. There's less gossip, but I won't have to stay at the office until 3 AM working on stories that make me want to commit suicide.

Fun with Message Boards

I'm learning a lot about what happens to women who work hard and have successful careers(yup, miserable and alone), and I just discovered that the average age for a woman's first marriage is 25.3. I'm practically 25.3. In lieu of feeling like a horrible failure and a an awful dragon lady, I read this fanfic post on IMDB. It's awesome. Clearly by "awesome" I mean, "High School Musical 2 themed." But it's "more mature" than the Disney Musical, so you can think dirty things about the stars.

Updates from the Harry Potter 5 message boards TK.

Things I Learned in East Harlem:

1. 81% of new HIV cases in NYC are Black and Latino.

2. People give away dogs at a rate of about an animal every two blocks(as determined by my experience being offered dogs between 3:55 and 4:10 PM EST 7/15)

3. If you are white and wearing a bikini in a pool at 114th St. and 1st Ave., someone will probably toss you into the pool. This should not be frightening. Accept the "This is the JEFFERSON POOL! DONT' JUST STAND THERE!" as a welcome. It's much friendlier than "Welcome to the O.C. BITCH!" and usually they people responsible try to talk to you afterwards.

4. 114th St. is actually a project-splitting sidewalk between 3rd and 1st, which is good to know when you have to walk between Lexington and 1st Ave.

Generally speaking, I like East Harlem. I really like the Thomas Jefferson Pool, white-girl tossing ruffians and all.

Dear iTunes

Whatever you did, you don't work any more. All of my music is just sitting, desperately wishing to be played, while you insist there is some sort of error. You worked fine this morning, and this new version tells me you can't find the file.

I hate you. I hope you die. I would smash my computer into a thousand pieces over your uselessness if I was not desperately poor.

I hate you.

And My Dignity Draws the Line at...

Bikini stories. Nothing kills self-esteem faster than reading all about how much starlets "totally love" veggies and lean protein.

This makes me so mad

I know I shouldn't be judgmental about this young woman's life choices, but I'm having a hard time not jumping up and down in a snotty, superior rage about how badly her whole existence reflects upon woman-kind. I read her epic length piece about dumping her quadriplegic boyfriend, and I thought she did the right thing in that situation. I also thought she came off as a pathetic, weak-willed, co-dependent moron. That she turned out to be all of those things and still managed to get a sweet job is sad, but hardly surprising. I don't know why this would be surprising either. As I learned from Knocked Up, women with good jobs get pregnant and decide not to abort all the time.

It's probably a good thing you had to stop buying your designer shoes, too. How sad it would have been if your clumsy, fat, pregnant feet slipped and you fell down some stairs, Crossroads style. If it worked for Taryn Manning it would have worked for you!

There is one thing I know from growing up in the Midwest, surrounded by young parents and relationships built on accidental pregnancies, and that is this: It almost never works out well. Maybe my old boss was right, maybe it is possible to be naive and provincial thanks to a priveleged East Coast upbringing. If you don't ever have to see just how trashy your life can be when you don't know how to support yourself before you poke holes in the condom, you might believe it won't be that bad. This young woman is clearly going to give her kid at least a decade's worth of therapy bills, maybe more. I'm not saying all single moms are stupid. Far from it, I've known plenty of them. I'm saying that this girl's breezy, "I'm still totally fun and materialistic even as I incubate my little parasite" tone suggests she's not ready for motherhood, probably not even for a serious relationship(who gets pregnant after 3 months and thinks it'll all work out?)

Maybe this will lead to a sea-change; maybe the dumb Coasties will ruin their lives and be single moms while all the smart Midwestern girls who actually remember to take their Ortho come to the Big City and take their jobs. I know I'm in position and ready to pounce.

Good luck in Omaha sweetie, because there's no way your pathetic blogging salary is going to pay for a down-payment on anything East of Cleveland. Then again, someone will probably give you a book deal to talk about the new "trend" of women under 30 having babies alone and still being totally fabulous! Just give some of your friends whatever it was you were using with your boyfriend and you can hit the "two means trend" mark in no time!