Saturday, April 29, 2006


My sister is the Queen of the Classics. If she had a time machine phone booth, she'd wipe the Hellenistic period from existence. She wants to feed the hemlock to Socrates' mom while he's in utero. She loves Roman emperors that received a "Damnatio Memorio" from the Senate for particularly evil deeds. She really really cares. She's seen every History Channel documentary about ancient Rome and ancient Greece. She did miss something that I discovered the other night.

While I was watching one of the better programs, Rome: Engineering an Empire, I noticed a familiar face and voice talking about the Colliseum. I couldn't believe my eyes-Robocop was talking about the importance of the Hypogeum(the system of cages, trap doors, and passageways under the surface)! I looked on Wikipedia, and sure enough, he has a Masters degree in Roman and Renaissance Art. Can you imagine being on a conference panel with him? That would be AMAZING.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Not-so-Confidential to Lauren:

How was it? Does it live up to its name?

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

What kind of beast monster would Agnaetha be?

I know it's a full day old, and I'm already gloating about that bratty Harvard kid getting busted for plagarism, but I can't let the Finland article go by without comment. So inspired was I that I skipped the shower, put on my favorite pair of green snake print pajamas, slathered on some extra shiny lipgloss and started contemplating heavy metal.

"In Finland, we have no Eiffel Tower, few real famous artists, it is freezing cold and we suffer from low self-esteem." That quote reminds me of the Helsinki segment of Night on Earth-lightless mornings, crushing losses, and the only hope for sharing one's grief comes from alcohol. All in all, not quite as much fun as Roberto Benigni's Rome.

Neal Stephenson
said in his book Cryptonomicon that Finland "bulged scrotally" from Russia, and that until World War II, the Finns specialized in "personalized, retail Russian slaughtering," and that they lost out to the Germans' more wholesale Russian killing. I think that considering this, and the fact that Finns have to share their country with angry trolls(a GREAT book), it should make perfect sense that GWAR-style metal would become the sound of Finland.

I don't know why people are so angry about Lordi-the Finnish people could have voted for a much lamer rock band from their country; they could have voted for H.I.M./, a metal band so ridiculous they should be at the Gas Works, opening for the Shitty Beatles. Lameness like "Wings of a Butterfly" readies Finland for a Russian takeover more than a bunch of Laplanders with surplus Army of Darkness Bad Ash costumes.

Also, I'm feeling better.