Tuesday, April 25, 2006

What kind of beast monster would Agnaetha be?

I know it's a full day old, and I'm already gloating about that bratty Harvard kid getting busted for plagarism, but I can't let the Finland article go by without comment. So inspired was I that I skipped the shower, put on my favorite pair of green snake print pajamas, slathered on some extra shiny lipgloss and started contemplating heavy metal.

"In Finland, we have no Eiffel Tower, few real famous artists, it is freezing cold and we suffer from low self-esteem." That quote reminds me of the Helsinki segment of Night on Earth-lightless mornings, crushing losses, and the only hope for sharing one's grief comes from alcohol. All in all, not quite as much fun as Roberto Benigni's Rome.

Neal Stephenson
said in his book Cryptonomicon that Finland "bulged scrotally" from Russia, and that until World War II, the Finns specialized in "personalized, retail Russian slaughtering," and that they lost out to the Germans' more wholesale Russian killing. I think that considering this, and the fact that Finns have to share their country with angry trolls(a GREAT book), it should make perfect sense that GWAR-style metal would become the sound of Finland.

I don't know why people are so angry about Lordi-the Finnish people could have voted for a much lamer rock band from their country; they could have voted for H.I.M./, a metal band so ridiculous they should be at the Gas Works, opening for the Shitty Beatles. Lameness like "Wings of a Butterfly" readies Finland for a Russian takeover more than a bunch of Laplanders with surplus Army of Darkness Bad Ash costumes.

Also, I'm feeling better.

3 comments:

Ethan said...

This is the part of the story where I tell you how much I love you.

ren said...

I'm still reeling from snakeskin pajamas and extra shiny lip gloss...
kinda hot.

Anonymous said...

She's back, baby!

very nice...