PUT ON SOME G*DD#^M PANTS!!!!!!!!!!
You are not, in fact, "playing with proportion," living on the cutting edge, winterizing your summer look, or finding a different "way of showing your shape in winter." You are WITHOUT PANTS. You LACK TROUSERS. There is a DEARTH OF FABRIC in the region of your private parts.
Sorry, it was a moment, and the Times was right, I did have it. A truer column title has never been written.