Curses!

Why must that tiny orange "T" thwart me so? Why? I hate you New York Times! You broke my heart! I'm TimesSelecting a new homepage! It's over!

A Follow Up Question for Joe McIllhaney Jr.

It's not really news, but teenagers are on their knees in equal numbers for purposes other than praying. It's actually quite reassuring to see that boys do more than just receive nowadays. One reaction to the study leaves me a bit confused.

Joe McIllhaney Jr., chairman of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health, said the new data confirm trends he has seen as a physician, but he has doubts about some of Wagoner's conclusions. "I question how much girls enjoy" oral sex, he said."I'd like to know a whole lot more about the pressure boys put on girls."

Mr. McIllhaney, your organization seems legitimate and not conservative, so I have to ask-why wouldn't girls enjoy oral sex? What on earth are you talking about? Please! Explain!

Who Could Forget This Guy?

With a name like Jack Noseworthy, you'd be hardpressed to do it. I was walking down the street yesterday, trying to find a radio station that would pump one or two good songs into my headphones, and I stumbled upon Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses," from that mid-90s period of big ballads with music videos that told a "serious story." Two things occurred to me; one, "Bed of Roses" starts with the line "I wake up and french kiss the morning," and that's gross; two, I started wondering what happened to the stars of Bon Jovi's OTHER massive mid-90s power ballad, "Always." The girl was Carla Gugino, who most recently watched Elijah Wood eat her hand in Sin City, but what of the guy? I had hazy memories of an MTV show, but only an IMDB search could reveal the name(he was on Dead at 21!). That show was the only live action one I remember from that period where they played all the kick-ass cartoons like Aeon Flux and The Head.

The other thing I remembered about Mr. Noseworthy is that my 12 year old self thought he was really, really ugly. Now I think I was too hard on the poor guy. Besides, in the last 11 years I've grown up and moved forward, and his last big movie was Undercover Brother. I wonder how often someone asks him if he feels UN-Noseworthy...

Nostalgia

I'm at the Nation right now, doing some work, but mostly just remembering the good old days of the internship. The loving and warm embrace. The fall interns are being oriented at the moment. My own heady days seem so far away...

Also, I'm a little worried that the new web editor will not want to put my interview up. How cruel can someone be? Never fear-if she won't do it I'll post it in its entirety on the blog.

Also, Liliana caught a great moment of mine a few minutes ago. Sometimes I really need to keep my mouth shut.

No Time for Language Games

I sit, waiting anxiously for any crumbs of information, and it looks like today I must occupy myself by debating the possible meanings of "begin a conversation." Sent over email. In reference to a future telephone conversation(hopefully tomorrow). But why "begin?" I may go mad.

Aimee Mann Moment

I'm not listening to her music right now, but I have a line from one of her songs stuck in my head, the one that was also a line in Magnolia. The line when the cokehead woman says to the cop, "Now that I've met you, would you object to never seeing each other again?" It won't go away.

There was a car accident outside my apartment last night and a small fight broke out between the drivers. It seemed much of the neiborhood wanted in on it too. My question is this-a cab driver not carrying his driver's license? WTF? The cops came before anything interesting happened, but for a few minutes, it was chaos.

For DJ

Just because you're always complaining about the changes in your old 'hood...it's not a Brooklyn theme park just yet.

Piling Up

Do you ever have days where you manage to get tons of work done that has absolutely nothing to do with what you're doing right at this moment? You know, all the good, "future planning to-do list" stuff? That was my day. I took out my garbage and did my laundry(two things that are, I suppose, very present oriented), but other than that I've been chipping away at this massive rock face labelled "FUTURE" in big letters, trying to find the way through, and it's just not working. I'm more confused today than I was yesterday, and I'm sure that tomorrow will follow the pattern. I'm starting to worry that by the time I get to Friday I'll have no job in Minneapolis, no job here, and no idea how to fill the rapidly approaching winter months. Too much! It's all too much!

Inappropriate thoughts

I'm really tired of being angry about Hurricane Katrina. I'm also sometimes not very nice. These two things combined with a photo I just saw on Americablog(the one of the waterlogged cemetery) led me to one very, very bad thought-what if the floods spilled voodoo supplies throughout the city, or, alternately, what if the bacteria showing up in the stagnant water were a new mutant strain, and reanimated the dead? That's right, in this time of tragedy I still can't stop thinking about zombies. I guess the Administration could have it worse; they could have the evacuation, the rebuilding, and bloated, waterlogged walking dead. Somehow I don't think this is going to be one of McClellan's talking points next week, but I'm certainly thankful. Think back to the images of the Superdome and the Convention Center, etc., etc., and then imagine zombies there. It's Land of the Dead(a movie I didn't see because it's my WORST NIGHTMARE, or was until last week)!

Sorry about that, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore.

The Times hunts for justice and bags itself...culture wars

My love and fellow Badger pointed my attention to the start of the Rice Lake massacre trial in Madison, WI. This was a huge deal when it happened, and the issues the article raises are real ones that all native Madisonians think about(mostly it's just a sense of unrest that comes when we think about all the gun-toting people who surround us in Wisconsin and beyond into Minnesota, Illinois, and Iowa.) We are a different breed, and UW Madison is a great school in a state where, last time I checked, something like only 25% of people graduate from college. I know that the concerns of the Rice Lake residents are about more than the "context of hunting culture," they're linked to the sense that a liberal city won't give a fair trial to a minority who is accused of killing a bunch of 'northwoods hicks who probably voted Republican' because Madison is too PC. Thinking about it makes me long for the article about the Minnesota State Fair and the Butter Princesses

Oh, and in case you missed it...

Some people are actually writing well. I'm sure no one did, but just in case.

Changes

So it looks like Michael Brown is a goner. Good riddance. Do you think his old organization will provide a steed for him to ride into the sunset?

Also, someone told Cheney to go fuck himself and Cheney cracked the guy was probably a friend of John Kerry-while talking about the HURRICANE. But, you know, I'm sure it wasn't political.

Strange things are afoot at the Circle K right now, but it's nice to be back in New York. Also, I miss my baby.

Transit

So I'm finally on my way back to New York. I'm also a little overemotional thanks to modern medicine, so who knows how this trip will go. I can't wait to get back to everything, no matter how trivial it was. I've missed my life. See you guys soon.

"Ultra-catastrophe?"

Kyra Phillips of CNN just said "disaster to ultra-catastrophe." ?!? Joe Lieberman also just admitted that Homeland Security failed. People are holding up photos of their missing children on television. And the Bushes are calling up images of welfare queens lounging at the Astrodome. I just have to get this out-the President of the United States let people die. No arguments like the Iraq war; the bloated bodies floating in the streets didn't sign up to be poor. No more whining about what Blanco and Nagin should have done-they asked for help before the hurricane. I'm sure Tierney would be crying like a little bitch for help from the Feds if his pretty pretty New York abode was destroyed by natural disaster or, I don't know, terrorism. Be skeptical of government if you want to, but it exists to protect its citizens in exactly these situations, and it FAILED. I hope they all pay, and pay as dearly as I can wish without bringing the Secret Service down on myself.

A close friend of mine will be driving from Canyon, TX to Houston over the next several weekends to volunteer with the Red Cross, and he's opened his home to friends and former colleagues left with nothing. This is a man who can't afford a telephone right now, who's been charging his groceries. And he wants to do more. That's what we need, not live footage of pumping water from New Orleans. We need investigations into who was in charge when trucks with food and water were turned away by federal officials when local officials were begging for help. We need some revolution.

If you haven't watched the video of Jefferson Parish president Aaron Broussard on Meet the Press, avoid it. Those five minutes lay bare everything that is wrong with this country.

And, for the conspiracy theorists:
Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour and his constituents have had many good things to say about the Federal government's response to the hurricane. He is a Republican.

New Orleans is a heavily Democratic city with a Democratic Mayor, and Louisiana has a Democratic Senator and Governor, and, well, you've seen what's been going on there. It seems that it's a lot more dangerous to be a "D" in the South than I thought.

Drive-by interview

So yesterday I finally, at long last, spoke to Simon Reeve. He sounds brilliant. And Gorgeous. And I did it while in a car. On its way to Kentucky. With my whole family. Journalism never seemed so glamorous.

It'll be a little while until the interview actually goes up, but I'll post the link when it does. He's definitely on my list of most erudite, most admirable, most interesting role model types in the world today. He's still my hero.

Punk Rock Mailman

He was attractive and had the kind of long hair that guys in New York bands work their asses off to achieve before shooting the video for their first single. Tattoos ran down to his wrist on his left arm, and somehow the way he wore his blue-shirt-and-shorts uniform oozed "I just don't give a fuck" cool. He was the most distinctive looking person I'd seen in Minneapolis, and the fact that he was an actual employee of the US POSTAL SERVICE made it even cooler.

"That mailman looks like an uber-hipster," I said.
"He's not a hipster, he's the real thing," responded Ethan.
"What, he's legitimately hip?"
"No, he's working class and from the South."
"Oh, THAT real thing."

The New Princeton Review

Another gem from the sis:

Do you suppose the Princeton Review puts out a list of the top Skank schools in the US as a companion piece to the Party School rankings? I think that's the list for the future.

Exotic and Cool

Imagine my frustration this morning when I took a moment to look at the New York Times and discovered that our papaer of record had decided to ruin my anticipation of the State Fair. Nothing makes me angrier than seeing my Midwest comrades disrespected by coverage that makes them seem as quaint and foreign as a bunch of Uzbek bridenappers.

Sure, not everyone gets their likenesses carved out of delicious salted butter(think of all the popcorn you could make to eat with that much butter!), but that's no reason to write about the girls who compete to be Princess Kay of the Milky Way in a way that makes them sound inferior to all the fashion slaves who appear in the Fashion and Style section. I'd much rather hang with a bunch of dairy farmers than the people who-

wear cowboy boots in summer
love to drink at rooftop bars
move to Philadelphia from Williamsburg
actually care about Anna Wintour.

I'm still pretty excited about the fair. I plan on stuffing myself with lots of fried food(including some fresh from the grease funnel cake), gigantic pickles, and cheese cheese cheese. Although maybe that's just the Wisconsin State Fair. I doubt it though. Yay for home!

Departure

Today I fly through the sunny skies to Minneapolis for a week of relaxation and a special-needs version of playing house, and then to the southland for some family quality time. Thankfully technology is kind and the Midwest has wireless, so posts will continue and the absurd will be chronicled, perhaps.

Oh, and a special aside to Liliana: Thank you.

Steve Coogan, how could you?

Steve, Steve, Steve. I know some people loathe 24 Hour Party People, but I loved it and I love you. You're obviously a total pimp(your vignette in Coffee and Cigarettes proved it), but COURTNEY LOVE? I almost lost my lunch when I saw this on Gawker. Tony Wilson married a beauty queen, Steve. I suppose all you can hope for now is that Courtney's aged and drug-scarred womb isn't strong enough to support life. My innocence is lost.